


real rude and totally removed like an imbecile

by shadychild



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Sam Wilson, Communication, Explicit Language, False Accusations, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Insecurity, Kinda, M/M, Misunderstandings, Non-Explicit, Not Cheating, Relationship Negotiation, Relationship(s), Sam is not a vet in this fic, Surprises, Unreliable Narrator, War Veteran Bucky Barnes, both failure and success, he's human too, insecurity got the best of him, it feels like sam is the bad guy in this but i promise he's not!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 14:32:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11465592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadychild/pseuds/shadychild
Summary: sadieb798 gave this prompt on the SWBB Slack prompt chat:"Uber driver Sam picks his romantic partner from their one night stand (you can choose which ship you wanna write)"I replied, "it would be interesting if Sam and the person had broken up and this was how they were seeing each other again"This is that fic.





	real rude and totally removed like an imbecile

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sadieb798](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadieb798/gifts).



> Get ready for some small ouchies.
> 
> Song title from "Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats. Song suggestion came from softsams.

Bucky looked good. Good in a way Sam used to know well, actually. (He couldn’t bring himself to think the words well fucked but there it was.)

Sam pinned his eyes to the road. He couldn’t stand to look at Bucky. He wouldn’t look at Bucky again.

“Can you turn the radio up?” Bucky asked, voice deep in a way that used to send shivers down his spine.

Sam didn’t respond except to turn the stereo from his Golden Oldies playlist to the radio. Some pop shit was winding down as he turned the volume up.

“Thanks,” Bucky said quietly. He picked at the grooves of his metal arm, not meeting Sam’s eyes. Not that Sam was looking at him, anyway.

They sat in tense, awkward silence. The DJ started talking about a local company; Sam gripped the wheel tighter.

The sight of Bucky brought back a lot of things he didn’t want to remember. He hated thinking about the past, and he hated thinking about his exes moving on, especially Bucky.

The next song came on, and it was one Sam knows well.

* * *

_“We can dance if we want to,” the song blared. Everyone in the club cheered drunkenly, heading to the dance floor in droves. People started to grind immediately; Sam laughed at the sight. God, drunk people. So predictable._

_He was still laughing about it to himself by the bar, when suddenly a guy was in front of him._

_“Wanna dance,” he shouted over the music._

_Sam heard the words but couldn’t parse the meaning. Tequila really went straight to his head. “Huh?”_

_“Wanna dance!”_

_Sam gave it some thought --  the guy was hot, white with dark hair pulled back in a bun. A grin on his face induced by alcohol but pretty nonetheless._

_“Yeah!”_

_The guy grabbed his wrist and gently tugged him to the dance floor. Within seconds, the guy was grinding up against him, back to Sam’s chest. Sam’s hands landed on the guy’s waist, fingers digging in._

_“And we can dance! Dancé!”_

_“What’s your name?” Sam shouted in the guy’s ear._

_“Bucky,” he shouted. “You?”_

_“Sam!”_

_“Nice to meet ya,” he said loudly, moving his body against Sam in a delicious way._

_Sam pulled him in tighter._

* * *

Bucky laughed from behind him. “'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance, well, they're no friends of mine,” he sang along. “You remember this song, Sam?”

Sam gritted out, “no.”

But he did. God, yes, he did.

* * *

_“And you can act real rude and totally removed, and I can act like an imbecile. And say, we can dance, we can dance, everything's out of control, we can dance, we can dance.”_

_Sam clenched his fists tight at the sound of their song, fingernails pressing into skin. Bucky would be home soon, and Sam would have to confront him._

_Sam had no idea what Bucky could be doing. Gone for an hour every Wednesday at six p.m. (Sam only noticed because he changed shifts at work.) Comes back looking like hell warmed over, sick and sad. Telling stories about people Sam has never heard of. The last time it happened, he had lipstick on his cheek._

_Sam’s worst fears had been Bucky turning to drugs to deal with his PTSD; now, they were cheating. Bucky got like that, after sex -- he went into his own head -- and the lipstick? Sam and Bucky were both bisexual. They’d talked about maybe having a girl join them. Maybe Bucky had gone and done it by himself._

_The clock his grandpa gave him and Bucky chimed seven. Bucky would be home by seven thirty._

_Sam stretched out his fingers, before he could draw blood. The last thing he needed was for blood to ratchet up his anxiety even more._

_Insecurity was pounding in his heart. He was always on Bucky’s case about getting help, pestering him about it. Always talking about how he wanted to get farther in life. Always talking about wanting to add someone, just for a night._

_His stupid brain was telling him he’d pushed Bucky away._

_“We can dance, we can dance, we're doing it from pole to pole, we can dance, we can dance, everybody look at your hands.”_

_He sat at the table, stewing over it, until the front door opened._ _  
_

_“Sam?” Bucky called. “Where are ya?”_

_“In here,” Sam replied, voice thankfully steady. “We gotta talk.”_

_Bucky stepped in, face a little paler than usual. “Sounds bad,” he said easily, despite his ashen pallor, “what about?”_

_Sam straightened out, crossed his arms, put on his serious face. “You’re lying to me.”_

_Bucky’s whole face dropped. “What?”_

_Sam’s insecurities kicked his hackles up, makes him mad. How dare Bucky do this to him. How dare Bucky go against his word. “You’re always missing at the same time on the same day. Won’t tell me where the hell you go. You have new friends that you won’t introduce me to. Come home with lipstick on your cheek. At best, you’re lying to me. At worst, you’re cheating. And I’m not gonna stick with someone who cheats on me.”_

_Bucky looked at him with wide, panicked eyes. “Sam, baby, you don’t understand -- “_

_Sam’s mama had always told him not to stick around to get hurt. “Get your stuff and get out, Bucky. I’m sure your new friends have space for you somewhere.”_

_He was being snide, rude. But he didn’t care. Bucky was cheating on him, after almost four years together. Sam couldn’t stand cheaters. He couldn’t stand liars. He couldn’t stand that Bucky was doing it to him._

_“Sam -- “_

_“Just leave, Bucky. And don’t come back.” His voice cracked at the last part. Sam didn’t want Bucky to go, god he didn’t._

_Bucky stumbled back. “Fine.”_

_“Fine.”_

_Bucky was gone by that night. His stuff was gone. He was gone.  
_

_Sam laid in their -- his -- bed after he left and he cried._

* * *

“C’mon, Sam. ‘Course you do.”

“I don’t want to,” he replied. He made a turn.

Bucky sighed, shifted in his seat. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for lying.”

“Bucky, I’d rather not talk about this.” He didn’t want to know about the girl Bucky cheated on him with. “Please.”

“Sam, we never talked about it. When are we gonna talk about this? It’s been six months,” Bucky pled, leaning forward.

“Yeah, and you’ve clearly moved on,” he shot back. Sam had fallen into a funk ever since they broke up; a dry spell had caught him in it’s vicious grip. “That girl looked sad to see you go.”

Bucky sighed; Sam refused to look his way. Bucky always got to him with his stupid sad looks, but not this time. Sam would not let Bucky win this one. “Do you expect me to just sit around waiting for you to let me explain?”

“Explain what?” Sam exclaimed, refusing the urge to smack the wheel. “That I wasn’t enough for you anymore?”

“Sam, what the fuck are you talking about?”

All the steam in Sam’s sails blew away. “We talked about bringing someone else into the fold, but we never did it. And then you started lying about where you were going and you came home with lipstick on your cheek and -- “

“I was going to the VA.”

* * *

_The first time Bucky had a nightmare, it was one of their first sleep overs after that first night together._

_He and Sam were cuddled on the couch, napping after watching a movie together. Bucky was laying on him, both arms wrapped around him. The metal arm was skin-warmed._

_Sam woke up to the feeling of Bucky shivering. His arms tightened around Sam’s waist; the metal hand clenched in Sam’s sleeping shirt._

_Sam blinked hard, trying to wake up. Bucky mumbled, “fuck. Fucking shit.”_

_“Buck? Wha’s goin’ on?” He poked Bucky in the rib; Bucky whined high in his throat. “Bucky?”_

_Bucky groaned, eyes flying open. He fell off the couch, almost dragging Sam with him as he tried to gain purchase._

_Sam, now wide awake, leaned over the side. “You okay?”_

_Bucky stared up at him. It took no time at all before he started crying about his nightmare -- civilians dying and Sam dying because Bucky shot him and worse._

_Sam told Bucky he needed help the next day. Over the next four years, he often told Bucky he deserved to get help, deserved to feel better. Bucky always said no, he wouldn’t go to the VA; it was their main argument topic._

* * *

“What?” Sam asked, choked.

“I was going to the VA, to surprise you. You were always telling me I should, so I finally did. I wanted to do it for you, Sam. But better question: why would you think you weren’t enough for me?”

Sam stopped the car abruptly in front of the address Bucky had requested to be taken to. Both he and Bucky jerked forward -- Bucky’s head thumped against the back of his seat.

With a wince, Sam muttered, “sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. Now come on, tell me why you thought that.”

Sam twisted around. Miserably, he said, “I told you. We wanted to have a girl join us, we talked about it a lot, but it just never happened. And then you were gone on our date nights -- “ before he changed them to Friday’s at five thirty “ -- and came home acting like you were worn out and you had lipstick on your cheek! What was I supposed to think except that you were out with some girl who wasn’t willing to be in a threesome? I thought you’d gone along with it because then you were getting both, me and her.”

* * *

_Sam had long since stopped crying but he couldn’t stop thinking about it._

_There had to be a girl. Bucky was always going on about how he missed the feeling of a softer body than Sam’s pressing up against him._

_“I love your chest, but sometimes I just wanna feel a nice pair of breasts against my side, you know?” Bucky’d said once._

_Sam had replied, “yeah, I know.”_

_Because Sam loved that feeling, too. He and Bucky had talked about it so much, had got their engines going off from the idea so often, and it had never gone anywhere. Never had they invited anyone to their bed._

_Bucky had liked the idea more than Sam, or had been more vocal about it, at least. Sam was the one who could never agree on a girl who was willing, who had a hard time getting comfortable around them. Bucky sent them home with a, “maybe next time?”_

_Once, Sam sat heavily on the couch after the door had shut. Head in his hands, he said, “I’m sorry I can never -- “_

_Bucky crossed over to him quickly, sitting on his haunches in front of him. “Sam, it’s fine. I don’t want to push you into something you aren’t comfortable with.”_

_Sam had been so touched. He knew what most guys were like -- his sister dealt with them all the time._

_But then Bucky went and cheated on him, all because Sam wasn’t enough. Sam wasn’t female, he couldn’t give Bucky the things he wanted. And it hurt so bad that his heart felt like it would burst._

* * *

Bucky scoffed. “I could’ve never cheated on you, especially not so I could sleep with women. I loved you so goddamn much.”

Sam’s heart constricted in his chest. _Loved_. Past tense.

“I -- “ He started but nothing came out. What could he say? _I still love you? I’m sorry I made us lose all that time? I want to go back in time and take it all back?_ No, he couldn't. None of it would change the fact that his insecurities had gotten the best of him and he’d messed up.

Bucky shrugged, opening the door of the car. “We need to talk about this, but I gotta shower.” He stepped out of the car before Sam could respond, closing the door and then knocking on the window. Sam rolled it down, and Bucky laid his flesh arm on the door. “I want to work this out,” he said a little shyly.

Sam was shocked and angry with himself but he even then he could manage, “me too.”

Bucky smiled at him, a smile Sam had been trying to get over unsuccessfully. “Come back over in a few hours?”

“Of course,” Sam replied instantly. “I’m sorry, by the way. I am so sorry.”

Bucky shrugged again. “We can talk about it later.”

He backed away and turned to his place, waving once he’d gotten to the door. Sam waved back and drove away, determined to get his thoughts together before he and Bucky talked.

* * *

_At one point, it became obvious that Sam was gonna end up with Bucky. By the time Bucky moved into Sam’s place, Sam was convinced he would marry Bucky._

_No relationship had ever lasted so long, had ever reached the level of comfort theirs did. None of his exes were quite on par with Bucky. He’d never lived with any of them. His parents had never liked them as much as they liked Bucky._

_Best of all, Sam had never been as in love._

_Their beginning was unconventional. A one night stand that lead to a coffee date that lead to actual dating. Sam had revealed his sexuality early on, and Bucky had said he was the same -- no reason to worry about cheating._

**Author's Note:**

> I've never actually been cheated on or had such insecurities so I tried my best. Maybe one day I'll write more in this AU, probably a Bucky POV of this fic.


End file.
